i've started to make a couple changes based on the advice of a friend. i figured if i can start off small and expand from there that's for the best. i'm figuring out that i need to take small steps towards success.

thing 1, take away the sodas and replace it with water. the verdict on that, i didn't do too bad. i've started using splenda and nonfat creamer in my coffee which was a hard switch but so far so good. i did a pretty good job avoiding sodas only slipping up once or twice. i really didn't mind having my big bottle of water with me all the time. it was really nice at school except i kept having to pee. it also made me have to get up more in the middle of the night.

thing 2, be more active. i was going for 30 minutes of an elevated heart rate a day but didn't quite get there. i did manage though to get myself to walk more in class. i would do laps around the room while i was teaching this week. i also go to the gym 2 times during the week and don't tell but i'm dragging the fiance with me there today, on a saturday!!!

the last thing i did i did more for a friend but realized part way through i needed it too. i think one of the biggest things that works against me when i'm trying to lose weight is thinking too much about where i want to be not what i can get to and be able to celebrate in a shorter amount of time. we get so focused on the outcome we forget about the small victories. last night i sat and decided to create small goals for myself and my friend so that we can celebrate reaching them. the base point for me is to lose 10 pounds by january 15th. that is doable for me. i tend to lose weight slower so i didn't want to make it too high and frustrate myself. 

i think that when i reach a goal i'm going to treat myself...maybe a pedicure or something like that. i also had read once about a woman who put a dollar into a piggy bank for every pound she lost. at the end she used the money (and a little more) to but something sparkly, i want to say a tennis bracelet or something like that. it helped her that whenever she felt like cheating or giving up she could see how far she had come.

Abused

I feel abused by my fellow teachers. I think it's sad when I don't want to get up and go to school in the morning because of the people I work with and not the kids I'm teaching. I just feel so used up by them. They seem to be incapable of doing anything for themselves so everything gets dumped on me because I don't say no.

Example 1: I teach a third grade reading group and then a 5th grade reading group. I really like my 2 groups and spend a lot of time each week planning my lessons so that I can meet all of their needs and make things more fun. The first week of school, in fact the Friday of the first week of school I get our school helper (it's hard to explain) in my room telling me that I'm going to get a group of 5 second grade girls from my crappy neighbor across the hall. I look at him very confused and he tells me that they're reading out of the third grade stuff so our principal has decided that I'm going to teach their lesson...while I have my third graders. Did I mention my third graders are about the hit the 4th grade level and the second graders are on the beginning of the 3rd grade stuff. Yeah, so this means that I'll have 3rd graders in my room for an hour. Then at 9 am while I still have the 3rd graders I'm going to have 2nd graders come in. At 9:30 the 3rd graders transition out to go to science and 5th grade come in for their 90 minutes of reading...did I mention I still have the 2nd graders. Basically what went down is my neighbor across the hall cried and complained that she doesn't know how she'll run 3 reading groups and the principal decided to ease her burden and add it to me. So now I teach 3 reading groups. 

Example 2: We hired a new teacher for 4th grade reading and writing. Well she didn't work out and quit. While she was on her way out she decided to let the principal know that yes some people were helpful but others just weren't. Apparently when she asked for help on something I didn't know about and said to her "I'm about to read the directions on it maybe you do the same and we'll figure it out later," was rude and not helpful and made her very upset which she felt a need to relay to the principal. The principal then decided to laugh it off but let everyone know anyway. This meant that my crappy neighbor across the hall used it as a time to say that I am abrupt and if you don't know me you might not understand it.

Example 3: My crappy neighbor across the hall wouldn't fix the lamination machine and instead told the principal I don't know how to do it ask me. So on my break I almost ripped my skirt on the machine trying to load it.

There's a theme here...my  fellow teacher across the hall sucks and for some reason she gets away with it. However I'm a freaking work horse for the school and get nothing in return but stress, anxiety and sleepless nights.

Bored.

What do teachers do all summer!? I'm so bored I think I might go insane. I've started writing lesson plans and things like that but still this is nuts! I need to get a hobby.

Training, training and more training...

Ugh, another week of training. At least this one is somewhat interesting though. It's all technology related. I'm awesome making movies. I still need work on doing sound effects though. I'm very energized and can't wait to use it in my classroom. I'm annoyed though. I work with some people who just don't get it. Technology is the wave of the future. It's what we need to use to keep our kids' attention and keep them motivated to learn. They just want to be petty and hold a grudge against me. It's very frustrating. I know I'm good at what I do but I don't feel like it's fair that I bust my ass and they coast through. It's almost like I pick up there slack. I've figured out though. They don't have nearly the same level of respect as I do within the school. The principal respects my opinion and seeks my input. So blah on them :P

Summer Vacation??

I couldn't wait for school to be over. I counted down the days and dragged through the days until it happened. School was finally over and I was going to be free, free I tell you! I knew I was going to have to do a workshop here and there but nothing major. I had been slated to teach intermediate writing next year and I was going to spend my time at home thinking up writing lessons and relaxing. That's now a no go...

It all started last Tuesday when FCAT scores were released. Our school was hoping for some nice growth and let me just get out of the way that it didn't happen. We pretty much stayed the same. We had some growth with reading and what not but we went down in an area...math. It turns out our math was not so hot. The person who had been selected to teach math had a significant drop so she was out and I was the one tapped to do it. Apparently my math teaching skills have recently been bragged about so I got the job. I'm happy about it too. I think math is very easy and straight forward to teach. If kids don't get it one way there are always a ton of other ways to get to it. I think this is a good mood.

Here's the problem. I am no longer spending my summer getting to relax and enjoy myself. I am now spending the summer bouncing between math workshops that I am not signed up for. Basically I just go to the school where they're at and hope that I'm going to be allowed to stay there. So that's what I'm doing next week. Not laying by the pool relaxing and enjoying a good book written for adults, no! I'm going to be at an elementary school hoping that I can sit in and learn how it is I'm supposed to teach intermediate math. fun. fun. fun.

Spring Break is Over

For the first time ever (or at least in a long time) I had a panic attack. All the sudden I was in the room of one of my coworkers who is also a good friend and without warning I started to get that feeling...my palms got sweaty, my heart start pounding and beating faster, breathing became difficult and I was sick to my stomach. It was the weirdest thing ever. I didn't think I was nervous about coming back to school after a week off but I guess I was. I slept ok last night. I wasn't totally preoccupied thinking about school or anything last night or even as I drove to school this morning. I just don't get it.

On the thought of coming back after a break though it's interesting to me how behaviors are like roller coasters. A couple of my problems came in and were perfect, then there are 2 who were worse than normal from the get go. I don't understand this lack of caring and self promotion. You would think that they would want to succeed for themselves and care when everyone else is getting rewarded and they aren't. It's toxic too.

I noticed I'm rambling today. I'm feeling that panic feeling again for no reason. I'm truly at a loss for why I'm feeling like this. I feel a need to go run and hide. 

Testing and the toll it takes

So this week has finished up 2 weeks of testing for my second grade class. We are finally done with the SAT 10 and the intermediate grades are done with the FCAT. I have never felt so relieved. I wasn't even the one taking the test! Anyway, my real frustration is how it has negatively impacted their behavior. I have had the most unruly out of sorts class for the past 2 weeks. On more than one occasion I have driven home from school screaming as I fly down the interstate. They are more talkative, more mean spirited and more attitude filled than ever. We can't walk 10 feet down the hallway without someone getting out of sorts. It's the most frustrating and upsetting thing for me. As much as I know you shouldn't take these things home with me I am and it's starting to impact my home life. I go home and just want to slam the door. I ALMOST hate them right now. I'm actually sitting here on my specials break ready to cry because I'm so upset about them and their behavior. I can't for the life of me think of a single bright spot in my day. I can't think of a single child or moment that has been redeeming for me. I can't think of a single reason to want to be here right now. Hate is not a word I used. I was raised better than that. You never hate anyone. I just feel so angry and frustrated and annoyed inside. I'm hitting the barrier where I no longer know what to do to regain control and to reinvest them. I have a few students who seem to have taken on the same attitude and no longer seem to care about anything. They just sit there staring at the wall and causing me more stress and anger. My passion for education and learning is down to almost nothing. I need to find something to relight the candle.