Spring Break is Over

For the first time ever (or at least in a long time) I had a panic attack. All the sudden I was in the room of one of my coworkers who is also a good friend and without warning I started to get that feeling...my palms got sweaty, my heart start pounding and beating faster, breathing became difficult and I was sick to my stomach. It was the weirdest thing ever. I didn't think I was nervous about coming back to school after a week off but I guess I was. I slept ok last night. I wasn't totally preoccupied thinking about school or anything last night or even as I drove to school this morning. I just don't get it.

On the thought of coming back after a break though it's interesting to me how behaviors are like roller coasters. A couple of my problems came in and were perfect, then there are 2 who were worse than normal from the get go. I don't understand this lack of caring and self promotion. You would think that they would want to succeed for themselves and care when everyone else is getting rewarded and they aren't. It's toxic too.

I noticed I'm rambling today. I'm feeling that panic feeling again for no reason. I'm truly at a loss for why I'm feeling like this. I feel a need to go run and hide. 

Testing and the toll it takes

So this week has finished up 2 weeks of testing for my second grade class. We are finally done with the SAT 10 and the intermediate grades are done with the FCAT. I have never felt so relieved. I wasn't even the one taking the test! Anyway, my real frustration is how it has negatively impacted their behavior. I have had the most unruly out of sorts class for the past 2 weeks. On more than one occasion I have driven home from school screaming as I fly down the interstate. They are more talkative, more mean spirited and more attitude filled than ever. We can't walk 10 feet down the hallway without someone getting out of sorts. It's the most frustrating and upsetting thing for me. As much as I know you shouldn't take these things home with me I am and it's starting to impact my home life. I go home and just want to slam the door. I ALMOST hate them right now. I'm actually sitting here on my specials break ready to cry because I'm so upset about them and their behavior. I can't for the life of me think of a single bright spot in my day. I can't think of a single child or moment that has been redeeming for me. I can't think of a single reason to want to be here right now. Hate is not a word I used. I was raised better than that. You never hate anyone. I just feel so angry and frustrated and annoyed inside. I'm hitting the barrier where I no longer know what to do to regain control and to reinvest them. I have a few students who seem to have taken on the same attitude and no longer seem to care about anything. They just sit there staring at the wall and causing me more stress and anger. My passion for education and learning is down to almost nothing. I need to find something to relight the candle.